Find God’s Voice
Recently I’ve been staying up after my condition to pray and just talk to God, but one night in particular stuck out for me. It wasn’t a very eventful day, there were no profound experiences or surges of emotions, it was a relatively simple day (as simple as witnessing could be).
I just kept saying, “God I just want to stop. I want to quit, I’m not enough to love these people, I’m not enough for You to use as a vessel.” And I was praying and I heard, it’s okay then, stop, I know it’s hard.
Then I was like, “nice.”
But I felt like a tug on my heart, like someone tied a rope to my heart and yanked really hard. And I looked up to True Parents. And I thought of Jesus and they must’ve felt the same way at some point.
So it wasn’t God saying it’s okay. It was Satan. I was praying and I felt they were all there. God, Jesus, True Parents, and Satan, they were all there. And then I felt really frustrated, telling desperately to Satan ,”leave me alone, let me love, let me feel love.” Then I felt bad for Satan because he’s so alone. And these people I meet, sometimes they’re so alone, and I feel Satan is there, preventing them from being able to love. Because in the end, I think the reason Satan prevents us from loving, is so he’s not lonely either. So other people can experience his heart too, but it’s a selfish heart. We all want someone who can understand our hearts to its fullest degree, this includes God, True Parents, Jesus and even Satan.
With this, my first thought was to love Satan, but then I didn’t really like that idea. So I thought that I can show Satan how to love by loving other people. And he can try to influence me all he wants, but he would see that love for another person is stronger than love for yourself.
That was the ideal situation.
Turns out it’s still hard to love. Or even move away from my old habits and to love these people the best I could. At the same time I felt so much love that God was able to trust me to be here. That has been a major reason I haven’t completely given up yet and why I’m still investing into the guests when I don’t feel so much love or when it’s hard to find some sort of give and take.
"Witnessing is something that we should do everyday in our life. It's not only choosing people and inspiring them to go and learn the Principle with us. I know that we are finding people who really want to learn the truth 100%. But it's also really important to talk to everyone without a difference. Sharing the truth with them and asking them what they think about the principle is really meaningful even though they're not ready to follow yet. When you go with your partner to witness, try to see the atmosphere around you, it's so much fun to witness with someone. Don't forget to pray as well! A small prayer will always make your witness brighter. God bless.
Today we had the opportunity to be able to help out with HARP students in there fundraising experience. It was very inspiring to be able to see the youth wanting to take ownership to fundraise for their trip to Vienna to see Dr. Hak Ja Han Moon and her event for "Peace Starts With Me." We had a fundraiser with some beautiful handcrafted eggs for the Easter Holiday! When coming back from the center after going out, we had a sharing with everyone to hear their deep experiences. It was filled with many challenges and overcoming ourselves to be able to bring joy to all of Gods children in Czech Republic.